Baby Steps

Upon entering this abroad experience, I never expected to feel so settled. But that, in effect, is what I am right now. Didn't I come to this country to escape that feeling; to allow myself the freedom to explore and question and learn from the environment that surrounds me? This thought has been a constant plague on my mind for the past couple of weeks and only now have I begun to realize just how much I've learned through being settled...not only about myself, but about people and living in a community.

First of all, I have had to remind myself that currently, I don't even have the money to travel. With everything from repair bills to medical bills all the way down to paying something as simple as rent, I really couldn't afford to travel and maintain the athletic lifestyle I am focused on (cycling unfortunately is a bit more costly than swimming was for me.) So it is my choice to stay in one place, own and maintain a half-way decent little bike, and spend my money on items associated with said bicycle. It truly was my intention (at least in the back of my mind it was) to move directly to Christchurch to start my big traning routine. And even though it has been a bit slower going than originally planned, it is still going. So thumbs up for that. But back to the traveling issue. On top of my lacking funds, I have found myself enjoying becoming a part of this community. Although it has been hard going, meeting people with similar interests and ideas, I have been slowly putting myself into situations where such people are easily accessible. For instance, this past Sunday I went on my first bunch ride with about thirty or so people. For those of you who don't know, a bunch ride is when a large group rides together, sometimes in single-file sometimes by two's (like we did on Sunday). Each person rides very close to the wheel in front of them in order to catch a draft and we continually rotate through the line so that everyone has a turn at the front. The ride lasted about three hours (not counting the hour it took me to get out and back from the beginning and end of the ride) and it was a great experience. I met a lot of very nice people who were not only helpful in teaching me how to ride in a bunch, but just pleasant to talk to and get to know. There was one man, however, who had some very unflattering comments to make about my country and my nationality, most of which were sarcastic, childish and just nasty. Nothing respectable to even debate or discuss. But despite that one man's negative attitude, I now look forward to Sunday mornings for something other than just sleeping in!!!

That brings me to a side note, however, about this experience and trying to find a niche. Craig recently brought to my attention something that I think I have forgotten, or at least been somewhat naive about, since I in no way associate myself with the goings-on of the American government. After complaining that very fe Kiwis seem interested in becoming friends with me: "Nicole," he said in the nicest way possible, "people don't like Americans very much right now." I'm not sure if I had been pretending that the war in Iraq wasn't really going on or if I just thought that people would instantaneously know that George W.'s not MY president...but as he reminded me of this very unfortunate fact, my heart sank. I recalled meeting people and when they asked me if I was Canadian, a certain sort of disappointment would spread across their faces when I told them that 'No, in fact I was one of the war-mongering neighbors just South of that fabulous maple-syrup consuming country'. Of course I didn't actually use the term "war-mongering", only "American" but I suppose down here, for many people, they are synonymous. Was it because the people I has been living with the first couple of months actually appreciated our country's 'world police' attitude? Had I simply forgotten, in the midst of ignorance and arrogance how lightly I should be treading across the rest of the world's soil? Well, for whatever reason, I have had to remind myself of the position that the simple of act of being born in Binghamton, NY has put me in. Now, when I meet someone who rolls their eyes at the statement "I'm from NY", I find myself swaying them into political conversation with hopes to open a window of opprotunity to say "hey, wait a sec, i'm a democrat, i don't support the war, blah blah blah." Needless to say that is a cop-out and if I have to do that to get someone to respect, like, or even associate with me, well...I really don't think they're worth my time.

Continuing on with the community...

While I live in the city of Christchurch, I commute four days a week to Lincoln, a little country town about a half hour from where I live. I don't mind the drive and since I'm being paid petrol money, there are perks. I also enjoy being out in the country on the beautiful farm, as I've said many times before. Today, however, I spoke with the mothers of two swimmers and we got onto the topic of community and how, inadvertently, I was becoming a big part of Lincoln's. I suppose when you live outside of the place in which you're working and you don't have a very good idea of it's size, you tend to take for granted just how small it can be. And, since I live in a big city, I suppose that I assume Lincoln is actually a PART of Christchurch. Well, it's not. These woman made me realize that, not only was I teaching many children of the community how to swim and getting to know their mothers in the prcoess, I was also helping many of the women of the community to get fit through my aquacise classes. Some of these women have children or grandchildren in the swim program or teach them at the local school or are close neighbors to their families. And if the cliched notion about small towns is true, as it seems to be in this case, word is spreading like wildfire about this new pool with these new programs for the Lincoln community. And the people are, for the most part, so lovely. They come in, relaxed, ask me how my day has been. When the lesson or class is over they ask about my life, why I'm here, what kind of things I enjoy. It is truly that "laid back" attitude I was told existed here in this place...I only had to remove myself to a country atmosphere to find it.

And not only am I learning a lot about community, but people as well...children specifically, and the way that they learn. It is really a cool thing to watch the process and to see a child's eyes light up when they finally understand a new concept and achieve a long-standing goal. For instance, one of my favorite children at the pool is a boy named Josh. Josh is a real man's man (as manly as you can get for four). And he doesn't like to show that he's afraid of that water. Though I know he is. But I ask him to do something and though I can feel his little hands shake as he grips the kick board, he just says "yep" and does it. Well, today Josh faced the big step of jumping off the stairs completely on his own (well with the aid of a noodle). He knew that for the first time I would not be helping him at all...and I've never seen such a worried expression on such a little face in all my life. It wasn't fear, he wasn't about to cry...he just look so incredibly concerned. Like the bank was about to foreclose on his house or something. And so I count to three, and with all the encouraging words in the world behind him he jumped...and floated, just like I told him he would. And he looks at the noodle and he looks at me with such surprise on his face and yells "I did it!!!" like he half expected to be at the bottom right that moment. This was our second lesson...and the goal had been for Josh to float with a noodle on his own. The week before was to put his head underwater. Next week it will be to float on his back. I'm not even thinking about swimming strokes yet. And the concept that Josh's progress illustrates is something I am learning more each day: patience. Josh will not swim in two weeks. Just like I will not be able to see this world in two months. Or become an integral part of a community in five days. Or make best friends in three weeks. Or decide my career in ten minutes. Life takes time. Time to experience, to falter, to understand and to realize.

So what does all this have to do with being settled? Well, I think I'm kind of happy with it. And I think I'm realizing that my life isn't on hold, "You're living it right now...so go on and live it!" as my mother has said. There is plenty of time to do lots of things. Plenty of time to make a difference. And I need to remember that I am making a big difference, even if it is to a small rural community in New Zealand.

So you see? What I've learned, what I'm teaching, what I'm doing...it's all about baby steps. And how we're really going to be taking them all throughout life.

-NMK