A Bit (lot) of Pride

Isn't pride one of the seven deadly sins? I swear it is, but my religious knowledge isn't exactly up to snuff as I essentially got kicked out of bible school when I was younger. Yeah, that's right, I got kicked out of church school and for what? Because I had swim meets to attend which clashed with my "religious edumacation" and they didn't like that. "Mr. and Mrs. Knapp," read the letter, "your daughter has missed X number of classes in the past 3 months. If she misses another one, she will no longer be allowed to attend our religious education program." It was a real tough decision, but as I dove into the water on my first race that weekend, all I could think of was...well, nothing to do with bible school. And it's been that way ever since. My pride got me kicked out of church school. How appropriate.

And since then, my pride has taken me elsewhere...to places both good and bad. But today, I am happy to say, I have found that bit of pride that I thought I had lost when my swimming career ended...or rather when my swimming career took it's downward turn into the oblivion of defunct athletic careers. Today, totally on my own, I completed a three hour, hill-laden ride that would have put me into an early grave only a week ago. It started with Hackethorn (forgive my spelling) which begins at a decently steep incline (I realized just how steep the hill actually is when I came down it later on). After 10-15 minutes of climbing (I should have timed myself but I didn't) it meshes into Dyers Pass which continues to climb steadily (with small bursts of steep increments littered throughout) until it reaches the intersection where the restaurant dubbed "The Sign of the Kiwi" sits near. Upon reaching the top one has three choices...to take the left and continue on up a rather steep incline. This road eventually connects with Summit Road (which I mentioned in an earlier entry). Or, one could take the right and continue on up a slight incline to tackle the "Long Bays" route; nearly 80k or so of hills that leads one down into Littleton. The final option was to go straight and begin the quick descent down towards Littleton, skipping the lenghthy process of going all along the top of the entire Port Hills "mountain" range. By coach's orders I opted for the straight route in order to stay nearer civilization (if I got a flat doing Long Bays I would be screwed).

So I let myself fly down into town and during my descent wind up behind another woman going EXTREMELY slow down the hill. Although my ability to bomb down hills is improving each day, I still do not have the guts to pass someone on a winding road, so I slow up and wait until a safer bit of road to pass her. I find myself surprisingly understanding, however, since I know what it's like to fear the uncontrolable sensation it is to speed down a hill. I continue on, encountering small bits of rolling hills and tackle them like they were made by ants. Entering Littleton I find my way to Sumner Road (or whatever it's called). And, after nearly colliding with some absurdly oblivious tourists who must have had some weird radioactive attraction to me or my bike or both (funny how when people look directly at you coming towards them on a bike, they just stop and stare like a deer in headlights), I began my climb up the back side of the Port Hills. Now, for the record, this climb was nothing short of brutal the last time I did it--reason being: because we had done long bays. Regardless, I trounced this hill and upon reaching the top (the same intersection where I experienced the Blue Van morons only days earlier) I found myself masochistically ready to turn left and continue on up Summit Road.

Ride up Summit is kind of like taking a hot bath, only not. I say this because, it starts out somewhat painful...the water is always a bit too hot to jump right into...but Summit is always a bit painful because of the hills the preceed it. However, once one gets used to it, it's really quite pleasant. The scenary is beautiful, the road is nice and gradual and there is just enough breeze to keep one cool. Continuing on up Summit, minus the fat tourists, I find myself faced with another decision.

Craig had told me that if I felt too exhausted to continue that I could just come down Mt. Pleasant and do some workout on the flats. I'm a girl who likes a challenge and rare is the occasion that I will choose the less difficult option. So because I felt good (and knew I'd feel even better if I continued climbing) I chose to bypass the Mountain of Pleasantry and continue rocking up Summit. Now somewhere in here I expect that Summit changes to another road...where it happens I don't know. I do know that there were some pretty tough climbs along the way, considering that I had been climbing for probably an hour and a bit already that day. Turning up my iPod, I lowered my head to the wind and managed to climb every bit of hill in my second chain ring. For the first time in ages I gritted my teeth, sneered at the challenge and thought of the devastation I could place on an opponent when the time came for me to race. Could it be? Was I blood thirsty again? It's about damn time.

So continuing along this road eventually takes one back to "The Sign of the Kiwi" (don't you just hear some god-like voice from the heavens saying that? "THE SIGN OF THE KIWI" dun, dun, dun. Ok, nevermind. But then I got to bomb down Dyers. Here I worked a bit on leaning into the turns and forced myself to refrain from fearing the whole 'downhill' thang. If I want to be good, I've got to be able to go down the hills as well as I can go up them. When Dyers turned back to Hackethorn (or whatever it's called) I finally realized how steep that road truly is. I was catching up to cars and riding on their bumpers (probably a dumb idea bc if they stopped I would have most likely died) but man, it's a DOOOOZY.

The rest of the ride consisted of an hour of flats, hard-out if at all possible and then coming home to collapse (for like five minutes before I had to go out and lifeguard a private pool party).

What does this all have to do with the deadly sin of pride? Well that's just it....I'm damn proud of myself. I have not felt this confident, this strong, this happy on my bike yet. And I'm not ashamed to say that I'm proud. So, to all the church people out there, let me put it mildly: Thank you for kicking me out of church school so many years ago. In doing so, you've allowed me to become proud, stay proud and enjoy everything that's involved with it. I only hope you can help other athletes by kicking them out of church school for pursuing their passions at an early age.

Hope you all enjoyed this rambling tale of bikes, pride, and how I think church school is dumb.

-NMK

Bike Geek

Ok so I've been told that the marks I always get on my calves when I bike are actually called Geek marks and are not cool in the cycling universe. That is unfortunate bc I always thought they looked pretty fun. So, instead of succumbing to the cycling world's oppressive stance on these so called "geek" marks, I plan to get one tattooed on my right calf and popularize the look. One big, black, grease mark all along my leg. Yes, that will do it. But you know, in reality, the only reason I get them is because my calves are so massive that they can't help but brush up against the chain ring while I'm climbing. Why try and hide one's assets, why not highlight them instead.

OK so maybe I'm not going to get a geek mark tattooed on my leg, but it would be fun to get another bit of ink. Those thoughts are for a later date, however. Today's thoughts will be dedicated to the lovely ride that spanned from the hours of 11 o'clock to 12 o'clock this morning and whatever else my stream of consciousness comes up with.

Since it was meant to be an easy day of flats (coach Craig's orders), we went up around Halswell and did a loop, then back nearer the city and around some back roads. These little one-laners were kind of hidden to anyone but a local and once back there it seemed like something out a movie. There were a lot of large, pretty houses and with a lot of land spanning acres in front, behind and to each side of these homes. The hills rose up behind each bit of property, and on each side of the road, reminding me that we were very much in a valley. One home had a horse pasture, another had a cow pasture, each had a gorgeous bit of landscaping shielding it from the unlikely passer-bys on typical road or mountain bike. Then at the very end of this tiny lane, where the road turned to a fine gravel, as we crunched along I suddenly found myself passing dreamily through a vineyard. The rows of grapes stretched symmetrically along as expected of any fruit-producing land, the sun beat down over the valley and the wind blew just slightly as we came to a slow halt at the end of the gravel road. I stood observing the landscape, what the hills were hiding in the palms of their rocky hands, and wondered if I would ever own such a magnificent place; wondered if I would ever have even been priviledged enough to see such a beautiful scene had I not come this way on my bike...had I not come to NZ; to Christchurch...had I not met Craig. And everday I wonder things similar to these, how could it have been different? What would I have missed?

Thought:

Yesterday while I did my hill workout along Evan's Pass and up Summit Road then back down Mt. Pleasant (note all of the names that suggest being up really high...they aren't just for shits and giggles), I was passed a couple of times by the same blue van.

OK, let's get a visual going:

You see, when climbing up Evan's pass, once you reach the top, you come to an intersection where one can go straight, left, or right. My workout meant for me to go right and continue on up Summit Road. Then once I had climbed Summit Road, I'd reach another intersection where Mt. Pleasant begins at my right. That is where I was meant to turn off and begin my descent.

Now that that's settled, back to the blue van:

So this big, blue van passes me and as it goes by, a bit fast by my standards (even if the hill hadn't been littered with cyclists) and I look and see a big family of slobbery, overweight, unkempt, lard-bottoms hanging out the windows with their video cameras and their disposal kodaks and all I can think to myself is, "you lazy pieces of crap. it would do you some good to get out and walk up this hill instead of hauling your fat asses up it in that ungodly blue piece of crap you call a car." As it is about one in the afternoon and I am nearing the top of my first turn-off, the heat is clearly on and I am taken aback by my violent inner monologue directed towards these unsightly characters whom I have never even met. I see them veer left and sigh a violent "good riddance" as I ascend to take my right. As I continue on up Summit, a few cars pass me, some with great care to keep their distance (which is greatly appreciated), but as I near the first turn, who overcomes me, but the fat, blue-van people once more. And again they are dangling out their windows, shoving at one another, trying to see over the metallic blue of their window-frames to witness the beauty of Sumner and the ocean beneath these cliffs. And again I curse them beneath my breath. More cars pass and I realize that they are all headed towards a look-out point where tourists gather like flies on shit for a view of the beaches below. The road levels off a bit and as I pass cyclists coming the other way, gesturing lightly to "have a nice day" I find the energy to consider what on earth has possessed me to be so angry towards a group of people I have never met...a group of people I would never care to meet even in passing...a group of people who I would never have given a second thought to had I been, let's say, pedalling swiftly along the streets of Sydenham.

Some of my reasoning includes but is not limited to the following:

My unpleasant emotion cannot have come from the fact that I'm exerting all this physical energy to reach the top of this climb whereas they are driving. No, that makes no sense as it was my decision, I WANTED to train like this. And I myself have driven up the hills to get from point A to point B. I mean, I can't expect everyone who wants to go to Littleton to ride there for goodness sakes. And I certainly can't expect everyone to ride up the hills in order to witness the sights that await at the top (for it would surely committ some people to the either the ditch, the hospital or both).

But there was something different about this day, whether I was just hot or exhuasted or both. And at a time like that there is something about climbing a hill, about being passed by tourists only to see them stop atop the hillside and gaze out over the cliffs, spend 3 or 5 or even an entire 8 minutes (gasp!) taking photographs and then hop their fat rear-ends back in their metalic blue tourist van only to whiz carelessly back down the hill and be gone long before I had even pedalled my way to the top. There is something about seeing another cyclist pitted against a car be it from an up or downhill perspective (many think coming down hill is easy, well, it's not...it's scary as hell and it really does take talent, concentration and patience.), and thinking "Go you...kick that car's ass". It's something about working so hard to get to the top, trying with such effort to enjoy the beauty that stretches as far as the eye can see, while nearly failing to do so because you only want to focus on the pavement directly in front of you and how much more is left. It's about finally making it to the top and not having driven there to observe the sights, but having pushed oneself in order to experience it. Having to breathe the air in order to stay alive. Having to squint one's eyes against the sun in order to keep seeing. Having to analyze the grade of the hill slowly increase with every downward push of a pedal in order to adjust one's technique. Having to harness the wind as a tool while bombing down through the streets of Mt. Pleasant. Everything is slowed down to a pace which allows one to actually think about life.

So in the end, it's really not anger towards the people in the big, blue van. No, it's more a kind of pity. Because even though I sound angry...maybe because at the time I thought that they weren't respecting this realm enough, or that they weren't worthy of seeing it from their ugly, obtrusive vehicle...it's really their loss, not mine. Maybe it's a sort of arrogance that I'm developing where I'm just a little proud at being able to reach these heights on a bike. I do know that whenever I drive up the Port Hills and see some poor, sweaty fool (yes we are fools) mashing at his pedals with spirits aimed at the summit, I can't help but whisper a little "keep it up" under my breath. For aside from shouting my utmost respect to these warriors of the road and making myself out to be an absolute idiot, there is little else I can do but silently praise them for their suffering...and then remind myself gently that tomorrow is my 'three hour, medium/hard hills" training day and smile just slightly at this insanity.

-NMK

And still more pictures...

Me in a carved-out Kauri tree...it had been fashioned into a spiral staircase, and yes from the outside it still just looks like one big, ol' tree.














I believe this is just some huge hill we drove up near Ahipara in the North Island. Yeah pretty pics are everywhere in this place.











Road on the way home from the West Coast of the South Island.
I believe this is near where they filmed many of the scenes from Edoras in LOTR. Just had to put that in there for you Caitlin!






Pic from the sounds when we crossed on the interisland ferry to get to Christchurch.







Just another picture of me with a kauri-wood sculpture.













Brett's favorite road on the entire trip. Who knew when we'd pull over to check the map we would be pulling over on the most hilarious street ever named. Ha!















Walking down the hill at Cape Reinga.











Waterfall at Goat Island








Sights from Cape Reinga












Sheep Shearing competition at the Canterbury A&P Show.
















The lighthouse at Cape Reinga














Mount Taranaki...where they filmed The Last Samurai. We only had a chance to stop and shoot it from the road.





Goat Island







Mountains (hills rather) on the way over to the West Coast of the South Island.








Our Campsite on Tapotaputu Bay. Yeah we were camping on a deserted beach. Sweet as.






This is what the poor pathetic llamas look like after having been sheared. He is not too happy.








The cute names Kiwis give to their cereals...I was awestruck. Just goes to show you, it certainly doesn't take much.















Brett horseback riding near Goat Island









Again at Cape Reinga.





















Last but not least here's a cool kid that I met on the streets of Christchurch doing some neat-o stuff on my mountain bike. What a hot shot. ;-)

With Your Own Eyes

Since I've not much to do these next two weeks, as I've made it abundantly clear, I'm going to try to get some of those lovely pictures I've bragged so much about up on the web. I'm debating if I should just plop them all in a new entry or disperse them appropriately throughout my blog. That would make for a fantastic compilation, but it could be quite annoying for you dedicated readers (aka probably just my mom and dad. :-P) Maybe I'll just throw some in this entry and see how it goes. Regardless, please enjoy seeing this experience finally with your own eyes!














Brett and I our first big night in Auckland...and our last. The city, although welcoming, was wretched at best and so very Americanized that there was little difference between it and a burrough of NY.



Riding along the beach near Goat Island. It was a bit rainy, but totally worth it. Especially since I hadn't been on a horse in ages. Luke turned out to be a trustworthy animal and I was sad to say goodbye after our good hour of bonding time.




















Brett and I, all sexy in our underground caving gear just before heading out to the Black Abyss in Waitomo. Yes, we looked the part of fools but once we were in that sub-zero water, we were glad to be wrapped up. More pictures to come from that portion of the trip, although there were none from the inside of the caves. The guide suggested that unless our cameras were completely waterproof, that we should leave them above ground. After swimming through the raging river below, we understood.




Here I am running down the hill at Cape Reinga, the northernmost point of the New Zealand. This is the place where the two seas meet, and what a beautiful sight it was. There is a lighthouse a bit to the left of where this photo was taken. More to come from Cape Reinga.















There I stand in red at the base of a giant Kauri Tree. Our trip to these ancient natural wonders was wet to say the least, but the trek throughout this rainforest was magnificent. We later found ourselves perusing a carpentry mill where artists sculpted everything from statues to furniture from naturally felled Kauri trees. Look forward to more photos from the forest and from the mill.

11 am

I think I am letting myself pause a bit in life right now as far as the tiny moments are concerned. Let's put it this way, I sit here, sipping my temperate water, letting the sounds of Will and Grace (gasp) waft over me, trying to decide when I should go out for my ride. Craig left for work hours ago while I rolled over and went back to sleep...only to wake at 10:45 astonished that I had let myself sleep for nearly ten hours...again. What on earth is happening to me? I will offer up two explanations: 1) After years of waking into the throws of darkness, endlessly dedicating myself to ten+ hour days, could it be that I have found time to just chill? While still training for a sport that I enjoy and seeing this beautiful country??? or 2) I have just become a lazy, useless member of socitey who sleeps her life away. I choose to accept the former, but some may feel otherwise. Regardless I don't plan to allow myself this luxury much longer. Although I don't start work for another week and a half...hmmm. I need to start sleeping with the curtains open.

With little left to say but a huge desire to say it, I think I'll be off for a ride right now. A nice way to spend the afternoon. Work on my sporty cyclist's tan a bit more. Ha. Maybe they'll be more to come later.

-NK

A Training Trip

First of all, let's go over Christmas. I hope everyone's back home was very merry. Mine was better than anticipated, though it still didn't feel at all like the holidays. Instead of going to a bbq with Craig we ended up going riding for a few hours and then out to dinner. He took me to this lovely little Italian place...I think it's the first time I've been out to dinner since being in Christchurch. Afterwards we took a walk out onto the New Brighton Pier. Apparently this pier was built in response to Auckland's Sky Tower. I guess Christchurch needed something to brag about in return. It's funny to think of the things that humans do, like building really high buildings just for the sake of it or constructing massive piers that extend out into the ocean for no reason whatsoever. I mean, it's not like any boats or anything docked near or on this thing. Oh well, I've come to accept that humans are strange beings and we will forever be doing stupid and magnificent things all at once.

It was a nice Christmas Eve followed by a very nice Christmas day as well. We slept in, quite late in fact and woke to a dreary, drizzly day (how about THAT alliteration). Craig took me tramping up into the port hills, which proved to be a fabulous experience. The beginning of the hike was pretty thick as we were descending the hill through overgrown forest and dried up stream beds. Since it was raining it was a tad slippery but a nice challenge to try and maneuver. After a couple of hours (and some off-track tramping) we found our way to the top of the hill in which you could see the city of Christchurch on one side and the bay and ocean near Littleton on the other. Despite the weather it was a gorgeous site and a lovely way to spend Christmas morning.

After coming home and showering (with extreme desire to rid my legs of the nasty grass-rash I had aquired from milling about in the high bushes) I then went to my friend Victoria's for dinner. Since the rain had subsided, it was strange to feel the heat of the sun against my bare shoulders on Christmas Day. We stuffed ourselves silly and chatted the evening away. I met Victoria at the pool where I was coaching and have found a very good friend in her. Even though it wasn't home, thanks to her and her family, it definitely felt more like Christmas than I thought it would.

So that was my Christmas. Here in New Zealand however, Boxing Day is fully celebrated with most places (aside from retailers of course) still being closed. Although I did not spend the day shopping, I certainly did something of note. Since I've decided to work towards some sort of success at cycling, Craig has written me up a training program. Well, yesterday was day number 1 of the brutality that will be this next two weeks. It's funny, it feels much like our old training trips since I have nothing to do but train until Jan 9 (my job revolves around the school term and the kiddies are on break right now). So basically, on my first day of serious training we did what is called "Long Bays". It's about 80k from what I understand and is composed mainly of hills...and by hills I mean mountains (they laugh here in NZ when I call the Port Hills mountains but seriously, when I thought the hills in Bing were bad, I was being a baby.). So yeah, three and a bit hours later we are home, my ass is sore, my hands feel bruised, I am starving, my legs are astonished that I'm already talking about what the next day's ride will consist of, and I end up sleeping the night away much like the nights I spent in Coral Springs, Kona and the like. Just before bed I notice that I am sporting the classic cylcist's tan...or burn in this case. Red from the middle of the bicep down to the watchline and red from the middle of my thigh down to my ankle with a nice sharp line where my socks had been. With pride I flop into bed, desperate for sleep, my muscles aching for relief. Tomorrow is another day.

And today was rather generous. We rode the flats today for only 1.5 hours and despite a bit of a headwind going out, we found the breeze at our backs and a decent ride home. So here I sit now, somewhat tired, but I feel wonderful. It is happening again for me--I have found a new passion and I have thrown myself headfirst into this committment. I have no idea where this will take me, what I will be able to achieve or if any of the dillusions of grandure may actually not be dillusions at all, but I do know that I am a woman of sport, that breaking my body down into a million tiny pieces only to build myself up again to perform is what I love. I'm simply grateful to have found a place and a person to help me work towards my goals...and enjoy the ride so very much along the way.

-Nic

PS a few hours later and I'm not quite done writing. I've had some things on my mind lately, and it's time I let them out into the open. As I sit here, in this cozy little NZ home, I can't stop myself from thinking "where have I brought myself in life?" This isn't a negative thought, so do not get the wrong impression. I have recently been amazed at where I have put myself in this world. I am essentially making a life for myself, many miles from home. I am working hard to keep a roof over my head, food on the table, and all that cliched blahdy blah about living on one's own, while at the same time trying to enjoy this experience. It is bizarre to think that I have done this half way around the world from all that I once knew, and now that it is done, what do I really have to come home to? Ok, that's not fair, but let's examine logically.

Of course I've got my family and my friends, the most important part of my life, but after that I've got what, an anthropology degree?? Sure, it was fun and I have grown a lot through obtaining it, but I know I need to return to school if I want to secure myself any sort of decent job (by my standards at least) and I'm just not ready to do that yet (especially because I don't know what I want to do for certain). I have so much I want to do that doesn't include returning to school just yet. So what else awaits me back home? I've no job, once May roles around this year, work at the park will be a thing of the past. And that is ok with me...I'm ready to move on from that. If one cannot let go of the past, one cannot extend themselves to the future. And even though I do have my friends back home, we have spread ourselves out...some in the city, some on the West Coast, some only an hour away, but an hour is much longer than a drive to Asbury Ave.

So what does any of this have to do with anything? Well, I was visiting with Brett yesterday, kind of a post-Xmas chat, and it was then that I understood the work involved with creating a life for oneself away from one's home. And it hit me...when I return to the states, I will have to go through this whole process once again. It is three months to the day that I arrived in this country and I am just finding my footings, finally happy, finally having discovered a niche. Although three months, in the grand scheme of life, is but a blip of time, it was still a painfully awkward three months that I don't wish to live again any time soon. The only way of avoiding it would have been to returm home this May, live with the rentals and work at CVSP again...but like I said, by clinging to the past, we ignore our future's potential.

So what is my solution to all this internal reflection on my external world? Enjoy the now (as I have said many times before) and look fondly, not obsessively towards the future. Yes, I miss and always will cherish the times spent at home, at Hamilton (it is often sureal to realize over and over again that I have done the whole "college thing". it is slightly offputting, as well, to come to my senses and know that it is over.) and all other periods of my youth, but instead of grasping desperately to hold onto those times I have begun to see prospects of the future. Countries I've yet to see, things I'm meant to do, people I'm on track to meet and befriend. It's enough to make one throw up his or her arms and laugh "what a life this is!!!" We shall see where things take me...but as of right now, I'm a bit stuck on this New Zealand life.

A Kiwi Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! Well, not just yet, it is actually Christmas Eve, but since that has always been a very important day for me, Merry Christmas anyway. I hope all is well back home. This is going to be the warmest Christmas I have ever seen in my life. The sun is out, the birds are chirping...it's a bit strange I must admit.

So far my Christmas Eve day has consisted of sleeping until 11:30, doing some laundry, making more chocolate covered pretzels (i would have made cookies but living with two men, well, we really don't have many of the cooking tools necessary for successful kolachkis or buches, pluus i'm cheap and i don't want to buy the ingredients.) Regardless, it has been relaxing. Craig is at work until four...we will probably go for a nice, easy ride when he gets home...then we'll head out to a bbq with the guys he works with. I'm a bit nervous...you know, the whole 'meeting the friends" thing is always a big deal, even though I've met most of them before. I'm sure good times will abound. Funny though, Christmas just doesn't feel like such a bit deal right now. I miss my family but without all of our traditions right in front of me, it's just kind of another day: a day to do laundry, make lunch, go for a bike ride, etc. I think I'm ok with that though. I'm sure if I were alone on Christmas it would be another story, but as I've got a good thing going for me right now, well, let's just say that curling up with someone I care about is enough of a celebration for me.

I decided to post today with the intention of writing some insightful revelation about being away from home during one of the most special times of year for my family, about how my entire outlook on life has changed in the past few weeks, about how amazing it is that I am creating a life for myself in another country and not in my own, but for some reason my head is a bit cloudy right now. I'm not sure if it's because I am just being tired-lazy or if something else is sub-consciously on my mind. Regardless, I am defintely in a positive place in life. There is much I'd like to share with you all, but for fear of jinxing a good thing I will refrain from doing so for a little longer.

So until I can liberate my mind from whatever is keeping it docile (I think it's that sort of contented high-on-life feeling) I will wish you all a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, etc.

-Cole

ps I now have a new address and new home phone number:

219 Milton Street
Sydenham Christchurch 8002
New Zealand
phone # from the states:
011-64-3-942-0894

Money Doesn't Buy Happiness

Cliche I know, but what else can I say? It is a lesson that I am learning more each day-that money isn't as big of a deal as we all make it out to be. Of course it is good for things like buying sweet road bikes, travelling, getting your filling that your dentist back home stuffed up fixed while travelling, etc, but in the grand scheme of things, it really cannot provide complete happiness. Take yesterday for example:

I was to spend Sunday morning at brunch with my employers at the job I am currently finishing up at. I have a month left, but they still treat me like someone who is going to be there longer, probably because they have to. They can't invite everyone to brunch and not me, right? So we get our schedules for the holiday program and come to find out, I have fewer hours than any of the other girls. This pisses me off a bit as I consciously turned down the holiday program at the new job I will be starting in Feb specifically because I wanted to be nice and not abandon my current employers during the busy season (holiday day care is not exactly a relaxed job). So what do I get out of it? Pretty much the shaft. And whether or not they have done this because they wanted to give the more permanent staff members more hours or because they were just trying to be assholes, it still bothered me a bit that such a kind gesture on my part was being repaid with this crap.

Then as I'm packing to move into my new place (no one likes packing even if it is only two bags, one box and a bike) I get a text from my old flatmate still demanding more money...money that I don't owe her. This is an extremely long story, but to make it short, they have given me a raw deal, I don't owe them anything in any way, shape or form, but again, because I felt a bit bad about everything, I still sent them some money when I left (mainly for the phone bill but also a bit for power and stuff). Again, unecessary stress placed on my head from these people. Maybe she should get her boyfriend to get a damn job instead of relying on me to pay his part of the rent. So this hacked me off a bit again, simply because I would rather leave this part of my life in the past.

Other things on my mind as I drive to my new flat include: the three weeks in advance I'll need to pay Nelson to move into this new place, the fact that I have to buy groceries sometime soon, my upcoming dental appoinment that I'm not sure will be covered by my insurance, the car repair bill I've yet to pay, the fact that my gas gauge is on "e" and I'm not sure if it's because the tank really is empty or because the gauge is stuffed up...the list goes on of course but keep chuggin', right?

So I get to my new place, open up the gate and there sits Craig, putting his new hand pump on his mountain bike... (after our pump-less excursion the other day...you'd think that of two bikers one of us would have brought something to pump up a tire-he decided to spring for a way to deal with flats)...and I begin to tell my tale of stressful encounters of the day. As I start to bring in my two bags, one box and my bike, the uneasy feeling of stress beings to weigh just a bit on my chest; but then he asks if I still want to go biking. And even though I would rather just curl up in the corner and hide until it all goes away, I throw on my bike shorts and we're off. Two and some hours later, after climbing some of the longest hills and seeing some of the most beautiful parts of this region, I feel like nothing can hurt me. We rode hard at the end, me nearly to exhaustion...an athlete like him, well, he probably found it to be cake. Regardless, it feels amazing to be out on my bike again, it feels extra-amazing to be out riding in New Zealand, and even more so to be out riding with him.

Money? It'll come right and I just don't care enough to let it keep me awake at night any longer. In fact the entire situation is just a bit laughable.

And as we sat there, eating last night's cold pizza, laughing about everything and nothing and wondering what will happen come September when it's supposed to be time for me to go home, everything just kind of felt perfect. Funny that it's the furthest thing from "perfect" one could imagine, but isn't that kind of perfection in itself? I have no idea where my life is going to take me from this moment on...but I do know that as of two weeks ago everything has changed, that I am almost certainly not coming home until my year is up in September (at the very least), and that as far as my life pursuits are concerned, the opprotunities are endless. I am happier than I have been in ages, money not included.

-NMK

Butterflies

Change of plans....the flat with the duckies and the stream that I mentioned a few posts later is out....because they wanted me to sign a year long lease and, um, hello, I'm definintely not going to be here for a year!!!

So new plan:
I know, I know, one should never count their chickens before they hatch. Nor should one jump to any conclusions, but I've gotten my hopes up and a ray of light is finally beaming through the clouds. Don't misunderstand, this has been an amazing trip...but some things needed fixing, and I've fixed them good, y'all.

So now that I've moved out of my last, wretched place, I have found a new place, with new people who are much more like myself and I think this is going to be a fabulous situation. Although I've not met the second person I will be living with, and because he spends all his time at his girlfriend's I don't think I'll be seeing too much of him anyway, the other guy who is living in the flat is amazing...he is into biking and fitness and laughter. And both these boys do their dishes. Hehe. So yay. Is it wrong to have butterflies in my tummy at the prospect of moving in with them? Finally I'm becoming integrated into the cylcing culture. And I'll be living in a cozy, little place more my style. Good on ya mate.

My other job is sealed as well and from the looks of things, I will eventually have enough money again to take three day weekend trips here and there. I've met some cool girls, one who is here until the end of Feb when she returns to Uni, and she is very keen on travelling the South with me. So exciting.

So as I said, things are looking up, I have people to spend the holidays with, I helped Pauline (the girl I'm staying with until this other flat opens up) put up their xmas tree, made chocolate covered pretzels, went out to a jazz club, went to see Narnia, went for a 2.5 hour ride with future flattie the other day. Internet is scarce in my life for now so I will try to update whenever I can. Be well everyone and enjoy the snow for me!!!

-NK

Address Change

Ok quick note to all...I have moved out of my flat on Colombo Street, soooo if you want to send me anything, please don't. Please don't even send it to the IEP address that I gave you before I left since they will keep forwarding the mail there. Once I get my new address I will let all of you know. Thanks gang!

Love nicole

Come Together

Well the verdict is in people and it's a doozy. Is that how you spell "doozy"? Who knows.

After about five weeks of living in Christchurch I am leaving.

Haha, no just kidding. I'm not leaving, but there are a lot of changes being made here. The first big one is that I'm moving out of my flat. Finally. Let's put it this way, the extremely conservative and overshadowing chauvanistic attitude of my male flatmate has really put me off from living in the current shithole that I'm living in. My girl flattie is amazing but sometimes you just gotta cut loose. So I've found a really REALLY cute little place in a nicer area called Ilam with two couples (again I'm living with couples...ahhh!! hehe). But they are very cool. One of the girls is a soc major so her and I have stuff to chat about (we spent an hour last night discussing culture change), the other girl is a pysch major and a boxer and seems pretty chill. The two guys seem nice as well and I think the girls are kind of running their shows anyway, so it is all good there. The house is adorable, and my room is quite nice. It's all blue and it has a nice big window that opens into the front lawn (which also means part of the street but we have a big fence so you really can't see the street anyway). We have a big, CLEAN kitchen, the bathroom is kind of small but whatever, and we have a HUGE window spanning the entire wall in our living room that overlooks a little stream with flowers and duckies and stuff. It is really nice and really peaceful. And I am very excited. It is right near the pool where I am joining the swim team, so early mornings won't be too hard and the people there seem to be the type that will become fast friends. Woohoo!!!

On top of THAT change, I think, that after much milling over the subject, that I am going to take this new job 35 minutes outside the city. It is a ways to travel but the people are willing to pay me major bank to essentially run their biz. I would only have to work 20 hours, four days a week, and i could add more hours if i wanted. the whole point of my being here is to travel AND work, not just work, and that is all i've been doing. This will give me the chance to make plenty of money to travel (to shop for cool kiwi things) and to just have freedom to play and swim and bike and enjoy this country.

I have met some cool people that I am very excited about. Victoria who is like my twin, we have such fun together and get along really well. She swims and I think I may start swimming with her in mornings. Julia that i've mentioned before, she is fantastic and she's going to teach me to drive standard with my left hand. Cord the canadian who swims is a cool guy, still don't know why they call him "Cord" though. I will figure it out someday. And then there are the girls i'm moving in with..plus i will of course keep in touch with erin and spend time with her (away from her boyfriend if at all possible.) For the first time in a weeks I woke up with a feeling of control, certainty and comfort, glad to be walking down this shithole street to buy a carton of milk(with the knowledge that it was one of the last times i would have to do that).

SO those are the updates on life. I am planning my xmas celebrations which is hard to do being away from home but it's coming together. I know I will not be alone on xmas, there are lots of offers to spend xmas eve with people, xmas day and i think i am going on a bike trip to otago with the people i work for at the childcare center for a few days after christmas day. bike, camp, bike, camp, bike, camp...sounds like such fun and it makes me appreciate my mountain bike a TON now.

I may be doing a triathlon next sunday but that could easily change. it has been hard to train lately bc i have been really focused on fixing things in my life...no not fixing, just changing. i need to remind myself that nothing in my life is ever broken, it's just constantly changing because I am constantly changing. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I have recently become kind of proud of what I'm doing here and extremely proud that I am strong enough to stand up for what I believe in and change things when I don't like what is going on. Change can be a big risk, coming here has proven that, but it is all worth it in the end.

Lesson learned this week: Never remain in a situation you are unhappy with. Never think "well it could be worse, so i'll just put up with it." It may take a lot of effort to make changes, but once they are made, you will be that much more the happier (and wiser) for it. Plus, if things DO get worse, you can always change again. That is the power that each of us as human beings has. The power to control and change our lives and situations. I'm not saying that if I wanted to go from being a low-income traveller to a rich kiwi citizen I would be able to do it, but within my realm of life I have lots of room to move. Opprotunity really is everywhere if you just look for it.

That is all for the day kiddies. Miss y'all (i say that a lot now and it's bothering me bc i'm def not from the south! haha).

-Nicole

Thoughts on Love

So I am watching Love Actually, one of the most amazing films ever created and I'm having some thoughts about this whole "love" subject.

I have been on my own for the past two months...as in alone and on my own in this crazy country. I have been single for the past few months and it has been an interesting ride. I have not only learned a lot about myself through being single, but I have learned a lot about what I want out of life. Being here in NZ, I have developed a whole new perspective on the subject of love and marriage and all that 'til death do us part' stuff.

First off, the divorce rate here in NZ is higher than it is in the states...something like 60 or 65 percent. I think this is because so many people marry very young here...and by the time they reach 30, they are restless again and have changed and no longer want to be tied down with someone who has either not changed with them or has changed in a different direction. It is very sad to see single parent after single parent come in to pick up their kids...the mother or father is either nowhere to be found, or doesn't care, or is around but just not as much as they should be.

Second thing is that I have been able to spend time with a few married couples who have been able to capture exactly what I hope to find someday. They are still ambitious, they are not materialistic, they want to travel and see things and do things and take risks. They want to explore and soak up every bit that life has to offer...they want to roll with the punches, laugh at their mistakes, enjoy their successes, and always be there to take care of eachother. I really feel that experiences people share together is what helps to strenghthen a bond. To create memories with someone that can make me laugh is something that is priceless in this very fast-paced world.

So what does all of this have to do with anything? Well, as I said I am watching Love Actually, feeling in a very flirty, lovey-dovey mood and wondering what is going to happen with this aspect of my life. In all honesty this is the first time I have really taken to consider this since I've been here. I have been so focused on everything else (money, work, flat, car), that I haven't had a chance to feel my heartbeat lately. I also think that the upcoming holidays make people think more about love or being in love. Hmm...I certainly don't have the mental stability for a man in my life right now, but wishful thinking is always fun. We always think we know what we want...I used to think so, but now I'm not so sure.

Now I'm just rambling. There is so much I'd like to say here, but for fear of wandering into the realm of hopeless romantic, I am going to cut this off.

Love to all!!
NK