Rocks and Docs

We painted rocks at work today. That's right. I made mine a butterfly. What a job. Too bad this is my last week. It's hard to believe that I've been working there nearly four months already. But I don't believe is settling down just yet, so it's good that I'm moving on. Variety is the spice of life they say. Whoever they are come up with some pretty corny sayings, but they're still appropriate.

I finally caved and called a doc. Surprisingly she was able to see me today and really helped me out a lot. I think I was a bit resistent to go see a doctor because I didn't want to admit I had more than a cold...and because I didn't want to have to pay for it. As it turns out, if I had just gone to see a doctor in the first place, I could have saved a bunch of money on cough syrups and sudafed. In the end she diagonosed me with bronchitis...yippee...due to a mixture of hay fever, asthma and the new and weird New Zealand bacterias and viruses that my immune system isn't used to. So on top of being perscribed antibiotics to get better, I've also got some anti-inflamatory for my throat, some hay fever medicine and a new inhaler to use when needed. Sweet. After four years of relative health during my time at Hamilton, I'm all sick again with allergies and asthma. One big druggie I am.

Thus, with all this new medicine, my fingers are crossed that I will be able to start training again for le race that is on March 25th. Incidentally, that is the day after my Daddy and Karen will arrive!!!!! WOOHOO!!! I am already busy planning out trip around the South Island. I am so excited to show my Dad the town I live in, the little car I drive (and how I can actually drive this little left-handed manual), the people I've met, my favorite places. In fact, I'm just excited to sit and eat dinner with him and talk about nothing. I miss my family so very much and even though I am enjoying being independent and this whole "on my own" thing, I know for a fact that I will never be able to live permanently away from them. Though between the time that I return home and now, I do have a lot of plans taking shape inside my brain. Plans like Peru, Manchu Pichu, Venice, Rome, Nice, South Africa, Egypt, and the list goes on. I have even been exploring some job opprotunities in adventure tourism. I just need to bone up on my French (psst Karen. something to do on our road trip??)

All in all things are pretty easy-going around here. I've been laying low, trying to figure stuff out and relaxing. Not sure I'm the "relaxing" type though. I feel a bit restless, like I need to be studying or swimming or something like that. Like just hanging out and enjoying this trip isn't ok because it's not working towards some huge goal in my life. But then again, what's wrong with enjoying my "time off" from the hectic life I led for some long? Nothing. There's got to be a balance. And I'm still learning and reading and writing. And I guess that's enough, for now.

I'm pretty sure I'm just restless because I've been sick for three weeks.

Annnnd I just saw a tampon commercial on TV where a woman can't understand why all her tampon boxes are empty and it turns out that the reason is because her boyfriend had decided to use them to play with their cat. Yup, pretty much the standard New Zealand commercial.

I'd say that's about it for now. I'm tired and want to get to bed.

-Cole

From the Heart

Funny how some songs can just make you think...maybe too much some of the time. Well, here in lovely New Zealand, especially while riding, I have plenty of time to think. And I THINK it needs to stop. Because my thoughts usually get me into messes. Those of you who have ever heard me go through my though processes know exactly what I'm talking about. As of late there are a lot of things cropping up from my past, not necessarily haunting me, but just lingering there, preventing me from moving forward.

Because here I am, in a different county, in a different mindset, right? It's not like I'm still in high school, or college, or back home working the beach. The people are different, the streets are still unfamiliar, my aspirations have become unclear. And even though I've found friends and comfort here in this new and intriguing place, all I want to do is run to the familiar and beg for an hour to talk, a minute to laugh, even a second to...

How does one put into words everything one isn't supposed to say? How does one let go of everything one never wanted to leave? How does one let one's world just slip away into the mist of the past, leaving nothing but a void?

Well I don't know how to do any of that. Because I still think about pirates and the chair in my living room and the orchard beneath the stars. I remember the morning butterfly sets, eggs with too much salt and too many bottles of cheap wine late into the night. Wretched movies like "Saw", beautiful songs like "Red," and everything in between.

I know it'd be so much easier to just let it all go and start anew, but for me, life just isn't so black and white. Never was, never will be.

-Coco

My Banana Bread is Burning...

Well, only the top of it is burned and through no fault of my own...clearly the oven is a bit uneven in dispensing heat because the rest of the loaf looks mighty tasty. We can all rest easy tonight knowing that my banana bread will be delicious, but that is not the important fact here in this post. The most amazing part about that banana bread is that I made it...and this is not the first time. Ok, it's the second, but the mere fact that I have been baking and cooking dinners (unless Craig cooks) and that I just fininshed looking up recipes for things like lasagna and meat loaf is kind of freaking me out. Where, between all of the college education nonsense and the summer break lifeguarding insanity did I grow up and start taking care of myself...and other people when need be? When did grocery shopping become one of my weekly 'things-to-do'? And it doesn't end there. Yesterday I sold a car! The car that I bought when I first arrived, the car that ended up sucking ASS is no longer my burden to deal with. And I sold it myself. I may have not gotten what I wanted for it, but I have enough to break even with this new car and paying off other car-repair related bills, so who cares? And yes, I've also bought another new car...which is manual. So driving stick is another fun thing that I will hopefully be able to cross off soon on my list of accomplishments by the end of this weekend. At least it had better be or else I won't be making it to work next week.

Right, just some of the little things I've been doing here in the 'real world' along with paying bills, budgeting and all that stuff they don't really tell you about when you're in college lala land. Oh well.

I am slowly getting healthier. This cold continues to linger but I am fighting it tooth and nail. Somehow, I managed to lose my voice this weekend--I'm not sure if it was the coughing or the yelling at children all week. It may have been a mix of both. Oh right, this past week. Best week of my life, hands down (read: sarcasm).

I finally made it back to work after three weeks off and if you've ever seen a deer standing innocently in front of two oncoming headlights, eyes wide with shock, ready to be railed by that careless Ford pickup--yeah that's me. And the pickup? 57 wild 5-10 year olds on summer holiday with not a single outlet for all of their energy. Except me and my sanity.

The other day we took 57 hyped-up kids to the beach. Yes, the beach as in the OCEAN. As we walked our group down onto the sand, I took one look at the waves and thought to myself "well, we're certainly not walking out of here with 57 kids, we had better think of what we're going to tell the parents of the ones who don't make it." Surprisingly enough, thanks to a lot of yelling, some interesting perimeter strategies, and a bit of prayer (and i'm not a religious person) we made it back with a full roster. Needless to say, I slept well at the end of that day. We also took the group out to a giant corn maze, which proved to be a lot of fun and since we split up into smaller groups of seven and eight, much, much easier. I was lucky enough to get a "good" group, but I still ended up chasing one of our notorious 5-year olds who like wandering off on a whim. Go figure. Dealing with this one girl has made me seriously question if I ever want children.

It's not so bad, really. It's only a 9 hour day. And three of the days the children are split between two different sights. But I work at the sight with more children. And my sight also has the three bad children. The children that hit others and throw toys when they don't want to participate in our really easy and fun painting activity. We have the children who are banned from everything but going to the bathroom and watching TV because they always break the toys and hurt other kids. And then there are the needy kids with the queries like "can you push me on the rope swing" after I've just pushed 10 other kids for two hours straight; the tattle-tales with the stories such as "Trent called me a dummy-face" when Trent has clearly been quietly watching TV; the "helpful" ones with the information that "someone left a puddle in the bathroom again" when we just cleaned up the last puddle of piss that some eye-hand-penis-coordination-challenged youngin' left for us.

There are positives though. I do get to play games with kids all day, and if the bad ones aren't taking up all of our time that day, playing with the good ones is a lot of fun. I've heard somewhere that teachers give a ridiculously high percentage of attention to the bad kids in class instead of the good kids because they spend so much time disciplining them. It's easy to see why that is. I have also found myself questioning whether or not I want to go into teaching now.

But it's the weekend now and the day is just MINT. I am hoping that the wind stays down until Craig gets back from work so we can ride together later. It felt good to sleep until, well, 8:30 this morning and just putter around the house making banana bread. I think it's time to see how tasty that stuff is...and then maybe later I'll go out for a practice in my little manual civic. Oh and did I mention that since we drive on the left side of the road, I've got to shift with my left hand? Yeah, who ever thought that when I learned to drive stick i'd be doing it with the "wrong" hand. Go figure.

-NMK

Am I More Than You Bargained For...

I like that song. It's a good one. Woohoo. But I fear folks that I am getting a bit crook. "Crook?" you ask. Yes...we refer to it as "sick" in america. Not terribly ill, but just a bit of a cold. And I don't like it much at all good sir. Ugh. Especially because today is quite possibly the most beautiful day this week and I am stuck inside instead of out riding. I just don't want to push my immune system too hard right now. I'm still adapting to this new world! It was kind of cool being up until three am last night, I got to see the Live morning news from America. It's a bit disturbing though that even on this side of the world the news program they show is Fox..."fair and balanced news". Right about as fair and balanced as Georgie's stand on the war in Iraq. Bollocks.

Speaking of my immune system...how scary is this whole bird flu nonsense??? I mean, they are talking the possibilities of a serious world-wide epidemic. What century are we in people? Oh boy, keep those chickens away from me.

I guess I'm writing because I have nothing else to do. What do you do when you're sick? Sit at home, try to relax yourself back into health. Maybe I'm pushing it a bit, it's not like I'm dying...but I have to work with kiddies next week and the last thing I need is to be ill all day while we're making paper mache bird masks in honor of bird flu. Ha.

So I suppose this is just a short entry to let everyone know that I'm feeling sorry for my sick little self (if only just the slightest). And Craig is at work and all I want is to be cuddled like the pathetic ball of fluff that I am right now (yes, ball of fluff). I'd ask my mom or dad to do it but they're definitely not here right now.

If anything else interesting happens today I will TOTALLY fill you all in, though I doubt that me watching the Australian Today Show at all qualifies as interesting.

-Cole

Head or Tails?

Why, oh why does this country's weather play such cruel tricks on me? Not to complain or anything but it seems like everytime I decided to go for a ride the weather spontaneously changes half-way through it. Ok, ok...sometimes it changes for the better and I think I'm just a bit pissy because my ride didn't go so well today, but MAN I have never seen weather change so sporadically in my life. Funny though that I'm starting to learn that there is typically a 99% chance that the weather will change at least once a day. Starts off rainy, turns to sun; starts off sunny, turns to cold. I think I just need to learn the actual patterns a bit better so I can schedule my life around them!

But yeah, the ride didn't go as well as planned today...and there is no room for excuses; I just wasn't performing well. And I hate to say it, but it was nice to find that a spoke came loose 2.5 hours in so I could throw in the towel a half hour early and wheel myself home with my tail between my legs. Yeah I know it's lame, but I was hurting...bad. I was "knackered" as they say here in Kiwi-land (and when they say it, it sounds like "naked". Honest to God the first three months I could not figure out why everyone was always running around naked until I finally asked about it.) But really, it was painful. It was the sort of pain where I was begging to hit "the wall" because, well, when I hit the wall, I usually go through it and get a second wind. That or everything goes numb and I don't feel anything anymore. But nope. No wall. No numbness. Just a lot of sweat, a lot of cursing, a lot of questioning my potential. And it didn't help that it got mighty cold up in the hills today (note to self: buy arm warmers). It was pretty neat (yes, NEAT) to see the mist-filled clouds billowing up over the hillside pushed along by the force of the wind. It was even neater (YES, NEATER) when said wind billowed into ME and then threw the misty cloud in my FACE causing my glasses to go hazy with water. I also love it when you have to pedal to go downhill. THE BEST!

So why heads or tails? Well, it's a play on words of course! Silly people. See today I experienced what is known as a headwind...the most wretched and evil thing that I have found exists in the cycling world and if I could physically KILL a headwind, I would. I have experienced headwinds so strong that they nearly knock me off my bike or push me into traffic. In fact, yesterday, I saw and man and his little girl riding into a headwind and he actually had his hand on her seat, pushing her along so she could still ride her damn bike. Yeah, that's the kind of wind we're talking about. It makes you feel pathetic, inconsequential and like a total failure as an athlete. To pedal along on the flats in gears that you typically climb UPHILL in. And personally, I get very, very angry. And I don't much like feeling that way. So I'm trying hard to start taking deep breaths and relaxing and reminding myself that this is all part of the sport. It's not like swimming where the most uncontrolable thing in the competition is the temperature of the water...no there are sooo many uncontrolables in this sport. And I have to get used to it. If I don't, I know I'll just get too frustrated to want to do this anymore.

What is the upside to all this wind non-sense? Well you must have guessed that the tailwind is quite the antithesis to the aforementioned demon. If the headwind was a supervillain, the tailwind would be the superhero. Sending cyclists along at such a rapid pace as to suggest flight. And it feels wonderful...but for some reason, I feel as though I run into the supervillain a LOT more than our hero. Oh well, it's still nice when it's there...and it actually helps one appreciate the headwind with the knowledge that you (and if not you, some other poor cyclin' fool) will have the wind at their back eventually during the day.

So that's about the long and the short of the winds around here. I definitely don't plan on giving up on this whole pursuit anytime soon even though I threw my first mini-tantrum in probably 7 or 8 years (I only slightly tossed my helmet across my bedroom. And no, I didn't use all my strength, so it doesn't count as a full-on tantrum). I mean, Rome wasn't built in a day...and it wasn't done in two weeks either. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. This isn't going to happen overnight and there will be ups and downs. "Don't get too high on the high or too low on the lows" someone once said to me--I try to remember that each time that I feel a bit pissy about things not going my way. Because for every bad day there may be two or even three good days. And for every blustery, miserable, debilitating day of hell, there may be at least one day of calm serenity waiting to whisk me along the hilltops.

-NMK

Wild Goose Chase

Except we weren't really searching for geese. We were just searching for tracks...and we ended up every which way...which is fine...in a way. Ha. But at the end of two crap days, well it was frustrating. That's ok darling, I still adore you. ;-)But right, so the hike lasted two hours...it was beautiful, but the intention to take pictures kind of slackened once the light grew dim and my spirits lower. Things definitely picked up towards the end though, with the sun casting what little glow it had left over the fields, making the grasses gleam and sparkle. Walking silently hand in hand while listening to the wind blow over us. Special times call for...

FISH AND CHIPS! But they were average, and the lady was lame. So to Woolston (sp?) we'll go again...and again....because on Friday nights, even in the city no one is open!

Seriously people, if this really wants to be considered a city, we need to stay open at the very LEAST until midnight. Get it right folks.What really hacked me off about yesterday though had nothing to do with Fish and Chips. "Average" is still better than "Crap." No, what really got me a bit perturbed was the lady at the copy shop. Let's examine:

I need to make some copies. I go to the copy shop and buy my "copy shop copy card" and I have to put five dollars on it. I only need two copies, which would cost me 14 cents total, but that's how they get you. They make you buy a card...for a minimum of five dollars. Pretty sneaky, eh? I mean, even if you only use it to make those two copies you don't get your money back...plus next time you need to make copies you'll most likely come there. And say the next time you run out of money on your copy card, well you have to buy another one for five bucks. A pretty good system they've got there in reality.

So I buy the damn copy card and the coversation that follows the purchase just makes my jaw drop to the floor. READ:

Nicole: "Excuse me miss, do you think you could help me out with the copy machines?"
19 year old Copy Ho: "It's self service"
Nicole: "I know but I don't know how to use the copy machines, you see I have to make double sided..."
Copy Ho: "It's self service, you just go and do it yourself."
Nicole: "Um ok."

Nicole walks over to the copy machine, puts her card in and stares confused at the machine. Asks man next to her for help, he makes same comment about not knowing anything about copy machines, that he has already wasted 2 dollars of his copy card trying to figure it out and how the Copy Ho would not help him either. Nicole, unwilling to waste the precious $5 on her copy card ceases to care whether or not she looks stupid for not knowing how to use a copy machine because, let's face it, who really cares about looking stupid for not knowing how to use a copy machine??? She returns to face the Copy Ho.

Nicole: "EXCUSE ME MISSSSSSSSSSS...Could you PLEASE come help me. I'm sorry but I just don't know how to use these things."
Copy Ho: (rising from game of computer solitaire). OK well you blahdy blah blah blah i'm a stupid bitch and i'm going to talk down to you because you don't know how to use our copy machines...and look oh, the right size paper isn't even in the copy machine...you are sooo STUPID for not having known how to change it. And look at these buttons that don't even have english written on them...don't you know that you have to push them in the same order that the planets orbit the sun in order to make a double-sided copy? God I am just so much better than you for knowing how to make double sided copies, aren't I? Wow, i should be given an award and extra money for having to take a break from my extremely important game of computer solitaire...and there. Do you understand NOW?"
Nicole: "Thank you soooo much for your help MISSSSSSSS?" (Sarcasm; Sneer)

I mean seriously...has anyone ever mentioned to this girl anything about customer service??? I think NOT. Dumb copy ho. She'll never go further than that computer solitaire game anyway.

I'm over it, really I am...but it does make for good reading, doesn't it? Ugh.

But then there are good parts too about people...I met a man from America today, Don, at the place where I got my car inspected and repaired (again). He was the manager and said he could set me up with a nice exchange and a good (reliable) car that would do me no wrong. He seemed really understanding of my situation and was amazed to hear that I had come here all alone. It's an interesting feeling running into Americans in this country. It's almost a feeling of..."Oh my god...one of my own kind!" Like a tiger having found another tiger amongst a bunch of lions. It's a cool feeling also, to find such national solidarity with people we may otherwise never have felt that way about. Puts a whole new spin on the idea of American Pride...not because I am proud of my government or the way it has been doing ANYTHING as of late (what is it i'm reading about bribery scandals???), but because I am still kind of proud to be associated, if only by nationality, with kind people like Don.

Not too much reflection on the past 48-72 hours. It has just been a long two and a half days and I'm tired, to say the least. What have we learned? People can be great, and people can suck the big one. One minute someone is breaking into your car, the next minute someone is trying to help you fix it. One person thinks they are the copy machine goddess of the world, another wants to help you find something that will make life easier on you. So I guess we shouldn't lose complete faith in humanity. Because everyone's not bad...it's just a bit of a judgement call. Right? And maybe if all of us who have ever felt violated or wronged worked towards making sure others didn't feel that way...well then things would just continue to get better and better.

-Cole

What Doesn't Kill You...

...makes you stronger.

My favorite saying and quite appropriate. Yesterday morning, upon waking I noticed that our back gate was open just a crack. "Now what the hell?" i thought to myself, as our gate is NEVER open. In fact, we take great care to make sure it's closed. But, being the unsuspecting and (formerly) naive individual that I was at the time, I thought nothing of it. Putting on my slippers, I scuffled out to the gate, closed it and came in to get ready to go to the dentist (of all places. Actually, i was extremely excited since he was going to have to re-fill an old filling that fell out. In fact, I so much wanted to see the dentist that I made a point of removing the filling myself through quite a laborious effort just so I could experience the joys of getting it done again. Right.) So we walk out to the car and I look on the ground and see a bit of shiny metal splintered atop the pavement. Thinking that someone has come to shatter my OTHER rear view mirror with a baseball bat, thus finishing the job that had been started a month ago, I sigh heavily and shake my head. But then, my eyes rise to see the door handle...or what was left of the door handle. In a fit of confusion I think "My God, some enormous, violent animal has taken a bite out of my door handle. But what's this? It has sucked the lock out of the door as well?" Then I realize: no beast has come to munch on my car parts, some lovely citizen of Christchurch has found it necessary to break into my car and steal my CD player. The very same CD player that only worked 4% of the time depending on the direction that the wind was blowing. We then go on to notice that every other lock, although still in tact, has been tampered with to the point that we cannot turn the key either way. Then we both realize why the gate had been opened that morning...because these people had come into our lawn to snoop about for things to steal. Good thing our hundreds (more like thousands) of dollars worth of bikes were locked up.

Remember folks, I was getting in the car to go to the dentist. And it keeps getting better.

So I head to the dentist, get my stupid tooth taken care of, meet Craig back at the bike shop and then we cruise off to find replacements for my missing car parts (he is a darling and called to find a place that had the car parts I needed). Spend some cash on that and then head off later to Craig's personal workshop to build a wheel. It's nice to know that the car is still running well enough to get us from all these point A's to point B's. After an hour at the workshop we hop into the car to cruise off home and lo and behold, it won't start. The battery is dead as a doorknob with no explanation. Sweet. Ok, let's open up the hood, because I know SOOO much about cars that it just makes sense, right? Yeah. Sure. Things look fine, I mean, being someone with such an extensive knowledge of cars...

But then Craig finds someone with a set of jumper cables and a big white van who comes over and checks things out for me. And what is it that he finds? Well, the little buggers who stole my crap CD player decided to unplug the wires from the alternator (or whatever the hell it is) so the battery can't recharge. Just for fun...just to hack me off. And if to get one more little dig in I notice that they ended up stealing my own jumper cables from the back of my car. 15 bucks for the set. I certainly hope it was worth it.

I think the most vauable thing they stole was the aquacise CD that was in the CD player.

So it makes me wonder, why? Why would people go to such trouble to make mess of a shitty car just for, 20, maybe 30 bucks worth of stuff? Apparently the big crime in NZ is all centered around people trying to find money for drugs. I never really thought of it because, well being naive, I never considered the whole drug problem so in depth. If people wanted to do drugs, so be it. Let them ruin their own lives, as long as they don't bother me I don't care. But now, assuming that this was the reason for the break in, they have bothered me...and I really do care. Not because I really loved my CD player, not because those jumper cables meant a lot to me, and I can even let the CD go. I care because I feel violated and it has made me paranoid. People came into our (very) fenced-in yard. People were walking around on our property while we slept. Now every time I go outside I expect my car to be GONE. Everytime I open the garage door I pray the bikes are still there. Christ, I come home and wonder, "did we leave the curtains on the door like that or has someone been here?" I walk holding my purse tighter to my chest than ever before. I've hidden all of my expensive electronics and personal documents INSIDE my own house. What the HELL? This must be what the drug-users feel like when they are trying to hide their drugs from each other. Ugh. I don't much like this whole city thing. Don't much like it at all. People don't respect each other...people don't care about each other's property. It's really really sad.

But I suppose that is the way life is. Right? Funny that before I came here they told me "oh wow, NZ has such low crime rates, blahdy blah blah." Well, funnier still that I've fallen the victim of these low crime rates. And it's difficult to accept, especially when one is trying so hard to get ahead and people pull you back. It'd be one thing if I had all the money in the world, but if that had been the case I would have been driving a much nicer car and, well, let's face it...it'd probably be gone.

What else can I say? "Whatever." I didn't lose my cool (came close)...not nearly as much as I think I would have a few months ago. Because everytime something bad happens, we can't crumble and get upset and just completely fall to pieces. Nothing would get done if that happened. And as the saying goes...what doesn't kill you, WILL make you stronger. This incident isn't going to committ me to death. And in ten years time it'll probably be funny. I must admit that I am extremely grateful for having such a wonderful person in my life to help me out during these shit times.

I analyzed the whole situation and I realized that, yes things were kind of shitty for me due to this incident, but were they really that bad? I mean, while these morons were creeping around our backyard, breaking into my car for a faulty CD player, lurking through the darkness of the night like roaches or rats or any other unpleasant beastie, I was lying peacefully in bed. Warm, cozy, cared for. And I know that despite the misfortune that they had placed upon me, I am still so very lucky...so much luckier than people like that will ever be. I just hope that whatever they needed to break into my car for...whether it be money for drugs or money for their families (I wish that were the case) or just a cheap thrill that they found their needs fulfilled.

-NMK